When you look in the mirror, what do you see? I’ve always had a bit of a strange relationship with my body, and for years what I saw in the mirror was a stark contrast to what I am told I looked like in person.
In part, my eating disorder really affected how I saw myself – not just my body size but things like the length of my hair, blemishes on my skin, the gap in my teeth … I hated photographs of myself because my mind would distort those as well. It took a lot of therapy and hard work on my part for me to be able to be able to actually see myself as I really am in the mirror and in photographs. Self love was yet another journey – a long one (and a difficult one) that I’m still on.
When I started photographing myself at uni, I was extremely uncomfortable with my body. I had diet culture ingrained in to me, I used exercise as a form of punishment and I thought it was normal to hate what you saw in the mirror. In a way it was normal, as movies like Mean Girls demonstrate.
One of the reasons I talk so much about self love is that this kind of thing shouldn’t be normal. It’s not just teenage girls that do it – I see grown women picking themselves apart and putting themselves down all the time. Did you know that 86 percent of women think about their weight daily, with many fixating on it several times a day? If you were to consider the number of people who were unhappy with their bodies in ways other than weight, that’s a whole lot of body dissatisfaction right there. And I think that is something that we need to work on changing.
The body that I have now? That is my body. Whether you lose weight, gain weight, your body changes, you grow a tiny human or continue to exist as you are, the body that you have in this moment deserves to be treated with love and respect. Next time you look in the mirror, try picking out five things you love about your body and your appearance, rather than picking your appearance apart. Say them out loud, speak your truth. And if it takes a while for you to believe those things, that’s okay too – body confidence isn’t something that happens overnight, it takes practice. Trust me, you’re worth it.
Great post, I always look in the mirror after a shower or as I am changing to get ready for bed. I love being naked at home and I love the way my skin feels and curves. I definitely dress to flatter my curves but I do embrace them, of course there are times when self doubt come out and self love disappears but we just have to keep at it! Great post Meagan!
Meagan, you are a breath of fresh air.
This was extremely helpful. Thanks so much for this
What a positive attitude! Self love is hard to do but, you’re right, it’s totally worth practising.
Btw, is that the langham? I feel like I’ve seen those mirrors before…
It really is worth it! And you’re right, it is the Langham! You can see the rest of that shoot here xo
Beautiful post Meagen! Life’s absolutely beautiful when you realise how beautiful you are!
Thanks Nishu, it really is isn’t it? Makes such a big difference to your life when you live it happy xo
I connect with so many of the sentiments expressed above.
I am in my mid-50’s and have struggled with self-esteem, body-hate issues for most of my adult life but very few people would know because I have always coped by wearing my invisible armour. That armour is both a blessing and a curse – it stopped me from being a total recluse, kept me going on a day to day basis when I just had to do ‘stuff’ despite just wanting to curl up in bed and hide away from the world but, conversely it stopped me from facing and overcoming the crux of the problem – not loving myself, feeling that I could never be good enough (even to please myself, let alone anyone else). Like many ordinary women I have battled with the black-dog, but I have a bit of ‘survivor’ in me so I have ridden-out those ugly times. Hell I’ve even ‘thrived’ in that tough world out there for long periods.
In 2005, when a 25-year long relationship ended I knew that, somehow, I had to break the ‘roller-coaster cycle. I decided that I needed something that would help me believe in me, something that no outsider could break. For me that thing is a single, simple sentence that I recite often – ” I am who I am, not who others perceive me to be”
Time has passed and I now accept who I am. I still wouldn’t call the mirror my friend but now I understand that the mirror reflects only a small part of what makes up ‘me’ as a person. If others choose to see me as fat, ugly, etc. etc. then that is their view. Que sera sera – their issue, not mine. I know that my body is big but my eyes sparkle & ‘talk’, my smile is awesome and a bum and hips like mine are revered in some cultures 🙂
Another amazing thing happened along the way. Some 8 + years ago I found the love of my life who wouldn’t care if I was pink with purple polka-dots and covered with warts. He loves the person inside and this feeling is oh so mutual. When you find someone who can relate to your journey, who is willing to be there though good and bad times then it is like icing on the cake of life. Relationships like this one are priceless so must never be taken for granted. Mutual nurturing, respect for each other’s differences, the ability to laugh together even when, at times, the humour is black are all vitally important.
I also came to this personal conclusion – Until you can accept yourself for who you are, how you look and take responsibility for the manner in which you behave then, and only then, do you have the capacity truly give love to a partner unconditionally. Until you reach this point, in a bid to ‘survive’, selfishness and/or fear stops one from go the whole way in the act of ‘giving’
Love you work, Meagan, <3 You are an inspirational woman!
Thanks so much for sharing your story Lynne! I totally agree with you – in the words of RuPaul, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” xo
Every time I look in the mirror I see a wannabe plus size model. That’s how I see myself and I’m happy about my body even if the people around me say I’m fat… I’m 1.80cm and 100 kg and I feel happy!
Good on you hun, chase that dream! xo
I am the biggest I have ever been, and It is thanks to body positive bloggers such as yourself that I feel so much better in my own skin.
Thank you, Meagan xoxo
Love you Jaz xo
I learned from my mother to hate photos of myself. Yet from a young age, I loved looking at my own reflection. My family used to joke that I couldn’t even walk by a shop window without checking myself out. As I grew up, I learned to be ashamed of my reflection and my tendency to look at it.
My body hatred got really bad right before we left NZ. I would hit myself, bang my head against the wall and try to rip my clothes up because I couldn’t fit into any of them. My now hubby and I would end up in raging fights because I hated my body so much and he loved it so much. Then we left NZ and went to live in the Caribbean for four months. My body went from being a faulty ornament to being something practical and useful. It was so hot that I stripped off down to my sports bra and shorts. I was working so hard and it was too hot to waste time worrying about how I looked. I physically couldn’t work in more clothes and I eventually realised how strong and capable my body was. I pushed my mind and body HARD in the Caribbean. And three months later, people were exclaiming at how much weight I had lost. And for once I didn’t care. I was too enamoured with how empowered I felt! How much stronger I felt. How alive I felt! And we were living on boats, so I hardly ever saw a mirror. So I didn’t associate the awesome feelings I was having with the appearance of my body. I associated the awesome feelings with moving my body and DOING things with it. It felt amazing.
Then we moved to Sydney and I gained weight again. But I was determined not to regress in my attitude. It was a struggle. Then we got engaged. And I became even more determined not to become fixated on my weight, no matter what it was. This was the turning point in my life. I was still overweight for me. But I changed the messages my world was sending me. I stopped reading trashy magazines, I sought out body positive bloggers and Instagrammers. I surrounded myself with people who supported me in my quest for overall health, and shut out people who were overly focused on appearance. I embraced my husband taking photos of me. I stopped asking him to delete the ones I thought were yucky. Instead, I asked him what about the photo he found beautiful and I stopped and listened to him when he told me. I took selfies, and I shared them online. I reminded myself that my husband proposed to fat me because he loved fat me. And that it was so totally ok that fat me was the me that was going to wear a wedding dress. And it was!
Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a mixture of my Dad, my Mum and my Koro in my face. I see strong arms that grind like a boss when we’re out yachting. I see strong legs that kept me going on the Boiling Lakes Hike in Dominica. I see a tummy that I’ve let get too big for my liking because I love to eat! And I don’t hate that tummy. I know where it came from, I know its part of me and I know that my husband loves kissing it. When I look in the mirror, I see a kick ass wife, daughter and friend.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us Mahina. What really resonated with me was when you said ” I didn’t care. I was too enamoured with how empowered I felt! How much stronger I felt. How alive I felt!” because from so young we are taught to ignore what our bodies tell us and we forget how awesome it is when we use them to do great things!
Yes meagan!! 😀 I totally get you.. Before, I had the biggest confidence in myself and I wasn’t in my ideal body. But that’s the beauty of it, i accepted everything I had despite it not being perfect… But after a while, because of my negative mental state, I looked at myself poorly. And that was when I “grew up” or counted as an adult. Self love is hard work especially coming from a rut. For me it took about 3 years of ups and downs to find the love I have for myself. Some people do not make it at all… But I’m glad I was able to make a change for myself… it is really worth it to be able to wake up everyday and you have nothing but love for yourself..
auie
I think self image is fluid and requires constant care. It’s so worth working at! xo
I look in the mirror and feel great. Then I look at pictures and feel like a cow. It makes me wonder if I just imagine looking good. 🙁
Firstly, cows are awesome and I love them. Secondly, sounds like you need to give yourself a bit of a break! Give yourself some love and self care, babe xo
Love your bra!!! Where did you get it from?!
Thanks Alison, I’m wearing a babydoll from Curvy Girl Lingerie – you can check it out in full here xo
I love this. I have had insecurities over the years, but it wasn’t until a year and a bit ago when I got really sick and had to start taking medication that made me gain weight, that I really started to think about how other people perceived me. Recently however, I’ve realised a few things. Firstly, NEVER take your health for granted. I was out racing mountain bikes one day, and hospital ridden the next. Be thankful for your health. Also, who cares if other people are going to judge – everyone close to me knows my story and even so, people who judge have no place in my life anyway. I am healthy again, and I eat well, and am really physically active – yet the weight hangs around. But I take care of myself. And everyone I love, loves me. So my self-love is starting to come back as well. 🙂 <3
It’s amazing how quick life can change, isn’t it? Glad you’re healthy again and your self love is coming back xo
Wonderful post – could learn a lot from your attitude 🙂 Got a long way to go yet haha
Thanks lady, one day at a time! xo
Meagan I hope you don’t mind. Did you have a eating disorder? and if so did you used to be thin or just want to be thin.
Thanks
Hi Tammy, I have had an eating disorder for most of my adult life and have been thinner than I am now and fatter than I am now. It’s not something that I talk about in depth on my blog as I find that it’s a trigger point both for myself and for some of my readers, but one day I might.
Self love and self acceptance is hard work in an era where we are bombarded with images of “perfect people” whether that be via TV, magazines, billboards or the internet. We can’t just withdraw from society to avoid it.
I am more mindful about NOT comparing myself to others. I have accepted my body shape and build and I know that I will never be lithe and long limbed. My chosen hobby is horse riding. Who looks great in white tight fitting breeches? Not very many people at all. So I have accepted the fact that my average hip to knee length will just have to do and be clad in white. My horse doesn’t care that I don’t look great in breeches, so neither do I.
Things that I love about my body.
I have woken up every day thus far in my life. It is not failed me yet on that score.
It allows me to work at a job that I love, even though I have not been that kind to it over the years of being a nurse.
It can still get on and off a horse.
It can kneel quite easily on a fitball for half an hour and allow my mind to watch a tv show.
My body allows me to work with a personal trainer once a fortnight and it still manages to take me surprise every now and then by what it is capable of.
When I look in the mirror I see strong thighs that keep me walking. I see fine laugh lines on my face that reassure me that I am living and loving life. I see greys in my hair that I refuse to colour as that will keep me chained to a hairdresser and that is money better spent on my dressage education and working with my personal trainer.
My body has endured lot of abuse over the years and yet still remains faithful to me. I have spent alot of time working on my mind and mental health to help better support my body and nurture my self esteem. I now actually love being me, and I have not been able to say that in a very long time.
Margo in Melbourne.
p.s
being a social media introvert I have found it difficult to keep up with you on your 100 day Challenge. I have been keeping my end of the bargain and moving every day my 10000+ steps and ALOT of self kindness going on here.
I love love love this Margo! You’re right – it is hard to switch off completely from the negative body influences in the media, but I choose not to read magazines that trash talk people’s bodies (and the same goes with what I read online), instead seeking out positive influences. So great that you are mindful about comparing yourself to others too 😀
I haven’t posted a lot about my #thisis100days progress on social media because I was worried that it was too same same, but I’ve been doing lots of walking and since it’s been cold I’ve moved to things like yoga and body weight workouts from my PT but still trying to get outside on sunny days 😀