#MyBodyMyTerms

TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE

If you’re paying attention on Twitter this week, you may have noticed something called ‪#‎MyBodyMyTerms‬. It’s a campaign that I’m really proud to be part of, that aims to start conversations about sexuality, revenge porn, victim-blaming and rape culture.

Did you know that in New Zealand, up to one in three girls will be subject to an unwanted sexual experience by the time they’re 16 years old? There’s a good chance that you, or a close friend or family member are one of those one in three girls. One in five women and one in twenty men* experience sexual interference or assault at some time in their life. Those numbers are absolutely staggering. I am one of those women, some of my family and close friends are those women. This a subject very close to my heart and that’s why I think that this is something we need to be talking about. Not just in New Zealand, but everywhere.

In a culture where society puts the blame on a woman for what she was wearing or where she happened to be, where rape survivors blame themselves for the criminal actions of their rapists, where intimate photographs are shared online without permission, and where a group of young men can form a club called the ‘Roast Busters’ and get away with it, we need to have some open and honest conversations.

What are the key messages of #MyBodyMyTerms?

• Rather than telling potential victims how to ‘avoid being raped’, we need to talk openly about consent, to encourage people engaging in a sexual encounter to make absolutely sure that their partner is consenting.
• Consent needs to be freely and enthusiastically given, not coerced.
• If you’re not sure whether your partner is consenting, stop.
• People who are underage, intoxicated or unconscious cannot give consent.
• You can’t have sex without consent. Without consent it’s rape.
• The only person to blame for a rape is the rapist.
• It is NEVER the victim’s fault.
• Sharing private images and videos without consent is a crime.
• Sex is not ‘bad’.
• Women who have sex are not ‘sluts’.
• Women who take, pose for, or share intimate pictures of themselves are not ‘whores’.
• Men who take, pose for, or share intimate pictures of themselves do not deserve to be ridiculed.

How can I get involved with #MyBodyMyTerms?

The more people we get talking about this, the better. Talk to your friends, your family, your colleagues… Many of us will have encountered the issues featured in #MyBodyMyTerms at some point, and some of us may even be facing them now. Talking about them can help us to understand, learn and eradicate shame and fear.

You can share this video (or my post, if you like) on social media, or post about what the campaign means to you, using the hashtag #MyBodyMyTerms. Consider sharing a selfie with #MyBodyMyTerms written on your body, like we have in the video. If you’re under 18 please be careful about the images you post; images of minors featuring nudity are viewed as child pornography in the eyes of the law, and it’s illegal to publish or share them.

I hope that you’ll join me in this discussion, please feel free to leave a comment below

Where can I go if I need help or support?

Talking about sexual assault, rape, revenge porn and victim-blaming can be extremely triggering for some people. If you or a friend need help, support or just someone to talk to, please reach out.

HELP Auckland 24/7 Helpline: (09) 623 1700

National Network Ending Sexual Violence Together – Te Ohaakii a Hine: 0800 88 33 00

Victim Support NZ: 0800 842 846

Youthline: 0800 376 633

The #MyBodyMyTerms campaign was the brainchild of Villainesse founder Lizzie Marvelly, and was brought to life by an incredible team of volunteers, including producer/director Jo Raj, director of photography Yves Simard, and photographer Emily Raftery, among many others. For more details, please see the credits of the #MyBodyMyTerms video.