Intelligent. Curvy. Brunette. Awkward. Writer. Maori. Ambitious. Caring. Photographer. Confident. Student. Hypermobile. Fat.
All of these words describe me, yet there is only one that people spit at me like it’s a dirty word that they can’t wait to get out of their mouth. There is only one adjective that people see as negative. Fat.
I’ve heard it all – well-meaning family members expressing their concern about my cholesterol, people telling me I’d be so pretty if I lost weight, having a stranger whisper “Weight Watchers” under her breath as she walked past me in a department store, and comments about whales when I’m at the beach. I’ve cried myself to sleep because of cruel comments from people who think that they have some right to comment on my body.
Well guess what? I have perfect cholesterol, low blood pressure and my blood sugar is normal (not that it’s any concern of yours). I AM pretty. I love swimming, so I’m just going to ignore the haters and rock my swimsuit at the beach!
It took me a long time to come to terms with my body. Like many women, I spent years hating the skin I was in, trying every diet under the sun and exercising like a demon to try and change myself. And then a few months ago, I realised that I was sick of waiting to live my life. I was sick of hating myself.
I started wearing clothes I felt comfortable in, choosing garments that fit me rather than worrying about the number on the label. I started to listen to my body’s cravings to tell me what I needed (I have discovered a love of mango and an intolerance to gluten) rather than counting calories. I get out and do things I enjoy, like swimming at the beach and walking through native bush to splash in a waterfall, rather than slogging it out at the gym doing activities that cause me more injury than good.
You know what? I feel amazing! I am so much happier and I have more energy to devote to my studies and the things that I enjoy now that I am not wasting my energy on hating myself.
It’s not an easy road to body acceptance, no matter what size and shape you are. Media and modern society tell us that we must be tall, thin, white, meek, and subservient. I am none of those things. What I am is intelligent, beautiful and comfortable in my own skin – no matter what size the label on my skirt says. Size 8, size 18 or size 28, my size does not define me. Just as it does not define you – love yourself now, not at some point in the future!
For those of you who are sitting here reading this and still thinking “but being fat is so unhealthy”, I suggest you read the book Health At Every Size immediately – it’s an eye opener.
Here is what you need to know about my fat body: it’s all mine and it’s no one else’s business but my own.
If you’ve been following me for a while, or follow me on nzgirl, you may have read this already. In May, I was asked to share my story with nzgirls everywhere, and doing so made me realise that this was what I am really passionate about: inspiring others to love themselves. Things have changed quite a bit for me since I wrote this, but I thought this was something important that I needed to share within my Fat Girls Shouldn’t Wear Stripes project. I’ll be sharing more about my journey to self-love over the coming months, so please do stick around.
Meagan, you’re one of my very favourite bloggers, if not my favourite.
This project is awesome, it’s been so great hearing different girls stories.
I love the way you encourage everyone to accept the skin they are in, no matter their size, and the way you respond to everyone with respect and diplomacy.
Keep up the amazing work xx
Thanks Katie!
xM
Gah I love you and you’re attitude so much. You are so inspiring and such a beautiful human being 🙂
Bloody awesome post 🙂
Thanks Jackie!
And now the next step in your body acceptance journey is to embrace the fact men who might find larger women attractive (including yourself) are not “creepers” or have a “fetish”. How can you be en example of teaching other women to love themselves at any size, if you are also teaching them that anyone else (besides their own gender and circle of friends) who also does has something inherently wrong with them (that is exactly what society tells women who are big. That there is something wrong with them)? That to me is counterproductive to the very ideologies you are trying to show them by example and by what you write in your blog (it actually is a disservice to the movement). I know body/size acceptance is an individual journey for all who chose to take it and walk down that road (and being a size activist myself, I do understand), but you do have some growing and maturing to do in this area, if you really do feel men who find you and women who are built like you attractive are “creepy” and have a “fetish”. To me that really shows you truly haven’t become comfortable in your own skin because those women who do embrace true body/size acceptance will allow compliments from ALL people (male and female included) and will be comfortable with themselves around both genders. (realize I am not speaking of nude or porn type things at all, I just mean being comfortable enough with oneself as a larger woman to wear what you want to and not care, but also being comfortable enough to accept compliments about your appearance whether they come from a women or a man). Also know that I am writing this as a man married happily for 18 years to a woman who is about your clothing and body size, so my writing this is coming purely from a size acceptance activist point of view (and not some guy trying to pick you up or anything of the sort). I just get very defensive when people try and tell everyone that guys like me who have a real preference for what you call “curvy babes” is not normal, but guys who prefer skinny women or even a particular hair or eye color are for some reason. It is especially offensive when it comes from a women who is large herself and even a magnitude higher when she supposedly is promoting size acceptance herself (and to other women). Also know this is not written out of anger towards you specifically, it is just out of frustration because I work so hard myself to educate people about size acceptance and those who are attracted to or in a relationship with a woman of size. My goal is to help and empower these people, not to label, judge, and condemn them for the natural born preferences or for being born a larger person them self.
I realize you more than likely will not post this publicly and that is OK, I just felt the need to have to say it. I really do wish I could promote your work as a size activist and also look to you as an example of plus size beauty (I do for many plus sized fashion bloggers, models, and activists currently and am considered kind of a patriarch in some of the plus sized activist communities), but unfortunately will and cannot promote your work until you grow more in your journey and shed this judgmental and frankly immature viewpoint. I do however wish you the best of luck and I hope you get there someday so your journey with yourself and your size is more complete. You are a very attractive and beautiful woman and could be a great asset in the size acceptance movement someday and believe with time you might get there.
Hi Mike,
I am more than happy to accept genuine compliments from men. However, when I talk about creepers and men fetishising plus size women, it is very different to your average bloke making a positive compliment. I’m talking about the guys who find it necessary to email/message me or repost my photos with a description about what they want to do to me sexually, people who send me photos of their genitalia, share my images on porn blogs or make comments about how they want to “feed me so I become fatter for them” (that’s an actual quote, BTW). This kind of behaviour is not okay, no matter what shape and size I might be. It’s creepy, and no one should have to feel like they are being objectified. Ever. It’s like the internet version of cat-calling at a girl walking down the street, and it’s unacceptable.
I feel like your message was pretty judgemental and has no basis. I have never once said that it was wrong to find women of a certain size attractive, and I don’t know where you’re getting this idea from.
I’m all for people who love fat babes and fat dudes, but as with all things, there is a respectful way to approach people. Doing the internet equivalent of grabbing your junk and saying “woohoo baby, this is for you” is disrespectful and will not be tolerated in my little piece of internet paradise.
M
Thanks for the clarification Meagan. I got my information from your blog post: https://www.thisismeagankerr.com/i-am-not-your-fetish/, as well as a post on your Facebook site from a guy describing you as what they would consider a “perfect woman” and you not knowing if that bothered you or not.
Believe me, I do understand about the disrespectful posts of your pictures on sites you would not approve of, but I felt you didn’t really clarify much else and lumped together all men who find you or other women your particular size or who are larger as “creepy” or as having a “fetish” (hence the title “I am not your fetish!”) which is pretty judgmental, IMO. I am sure you don’t feel your boyfriend has a fetish for finding you attractive, correct? So how come other men who do would then? Maybe you just didn’t clarify it enough in your post. But, you do realize that the objectification of women happens all the time in society. You have heard of the Sports Illustrated “Swimsuit edition” and like every beauty pageant that exists? It just seems to be accepted and no one complains if the women involved in it are thin or “acceptable” by today’s “beauty” standards.
You see it’s not just being a plus sized woman that makes one a potential object of ridicule in the world, but also those who also find them attractive. So our job as size activists is not only empowering women to be confident in their own skin and love their own bodies, but also to empower the people who find them attractive too. That is at least how I view it and it seemed your blog post did not help with that effort.
Anyway, my intention with my post here was never to upset anyone, but just to make you think about how your blog post may have been taken or have affected not just men who prefer larger women and find them attractive, but also to larger women who might be struggling to find their own body love and acceptance and how that might be a much harder road if they are lead to believe that men who find them attractive are “creepy” or have a “fetish”, or are just plain weirdos. We get enough of that from society let alone if we have to endure it from the actual women we find attractive. But, I may have been overly sensitive and misread what you were trying to say in your anti-fetish post, so I do apologize if that is the case.
Thanks for not deleting my posts and I am very happy to see you come so far in your journey. You know I have read some of your other blog posts and know that my wife’s journey is not that far from your own (she started developing very early – age 9, is about the same clothing size as you now and a similar build and is very pretty like you also (but is blonde), and was mistreated very badly growing up as a result of her larger size and even now has a tough time accepting herself and her current size). And despite my possible mis-feelings of how you felt about all men who find big girls attractive, I did place my vote for your blog site for the “Curvy Blog Award 2013” and do plan on now continuing to support your efforts to help yourself and others in their size acceptance journeys. Thank you for all the good work you have done so far and sorry for the long response.
Ok i just thought i would jump in for a second. Firstly i appreciate that a man with an appreciation for women who are bigger or in any way different than the conventional society mandated beauties, so thanks for speaking up and being a voice for all those size activists.
Having said that, whilst i can see you are passionate about this issue, the men that Meagan was referring to in her post (i just re read it to be sure) were specifically vulgar, rude, offensive and obscene, specific people who did comment on or share her pictures without permission for thier own or others sexual gratification, not once did i see a comment about all men who compliment her being pigs, or lumping everyone into the same category.
For petite, average and plus sized women alike, there should be a level of respect.
I dont feel that this is a plus sized issue.
I dont even necessarily see this as a plus sized activist (male or female) issue.
This is an issue of equality and respect.
Not plus sized women. Women in general who shouldnt be afraid to post pictures they are proud of for fear of anyone (man, woman or otherwise) of making degrading or vulgar comments which are uninvited and unnecessary.
It can be argued that putting yourself out there in any size or shape is taking the risk of people commenting on you in any way.
As someone plus sized, as a plus sized woman, as a woman, as a human being, Meagan is completely valid in calling this issue out.
She has the right to speak out about it as long as it is happening to anyone anywhere. And the fact that people feel the need to say these things is what we should be talking about.
Meagan, i know where you are coming from and it is not a place of bitternes or disrespect, but a valid response to unwelcome vulgarity you have recieved.
X.A
Absolutely. There should be a level of respect for all human beings, whether they be male or female. There should also be respect of their choices whether we agree or not (the right for them to chose what they want for themselves without being judged). That’s just respect everyone deserves as being part of the human race. Some women don’t mind being admired or “objectified” by men (for example the women that create websites just for this purpose, which I personally don’t necessarily agree with, but do respect their right to do it) and some do. Either way, everyone needs to be respected and I am just trying to insure that. But, as I said in my second response, I may have mis-read into what Meagan was saying in her anti-fetish post and I do apologize for that. I am just sensitive to labeling and judgments being made on myself and other men who prefer and love plus sized women (even by large women themselves, if you can believe that. They should be our biggest advocates sorry for the pun). This is the other part of the size/body acceptance movement that seems to get somewhat ignored by both sides.
Anyway, sorry again for any offense to anyone and I think Meagan cleared things up for me in her reply and think she is amazing and awesome for what she has done for herself and others concerning body acceptance and wish her the best of luck on her continuing journey in it. 🙂
Oh, and one more thing. Just because someone reposts a pic you publicly posted on the internet, doesn’t necessarily mean they are doing it for their “sexual gratification”. Perhaps they feel the picture is a nice representation of a beautiful woman (and I fail to see a problem with that. If someone did that of a pic of myself, I would take it as a compliment). Also, as far as I know, Meagan has not posted any pictures of herself that are sexual explicit (and I think that is terrific), so why would one assume that anyone who likes them or reposts them somewhere else are using them that way? Just something that crossed my mind when thinking about it (although, I have not seen the sites Meagan is speaking of myself, so I really don’t know personally).
We are aware that not everyone reposts for their sexual gratification Mike, we’re calling out the ones that do. Even photos that are not sexually explicit can be shared in a sexual context, especially when people add comments that sexualise them. It’s not a compliment, it’s vulgar and revolting.
I can understand that and agree. Glad to see you understand and realize there is a difference. That’s sad that some have done this to you, however. Guess, it can happen to anyone who posts pics of themselves publicly online, unless they do it on a site that isn’t open to the public and requires a registration and login in (private site) and therefore can be monitored, but it is unfortunate if that had to be the case for someone due to unethical people.
Thanks Amber xx