CW: Weight loss, eating disorder, body shaming, body image
When my photo was shared on the Special K Facebook page last week there were lots of people making comments and (inaccurate) judgements about my health, my lifestyle, what I promote etc. It seems that there are a few people completely missing the point of Special K‘s #OwnIt campaign, and why I’m involved, so I thought that it was important for me to write a blog post to give you all a bit of background about me and why I was so keen to team up with them.
Not liking your body is (sadly) a pretty common thing. It’s not limited by age, colour, socio-economic background or even weight. Special K research says that 7/10 women have an “I hate my body moment” every week. It might be a common thing, but that doesn’t make it okay! For some, it can affect our lives, and the lives of those we love. There are mums who won’t be in photos with their kids. There are women who won’t go to the beach with their friends or family because they’re afraid to wear a swimsuit. There are people who hold themselves back from achieving their dreams until they’ve lost weight (whether it’s 5kg or 50 kg or 100kg). There are young girls who look in the mirror and don’t like what they see… And they’re seeing it younger and younger – in her book “Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls”, Jes Baker mentioned that in a survey of nine and ten year old girls, 40% of them had tried to lose weight. These are young children for goodness sake, it’s so heartbreaking that those societal pressures are being felt younger and younger. We are teaching these things to our kids, we’re passing on our insecurities.
I’m not just rambling here and spouting off statistics I read in a report either, I’m speaking from my own personal experience. A few years ago, I refused to be in a family photo because I couldn’t stand how I looked. As a result, my family (who is now living in different parts of the country, with some overseas) doesn’t have a picture with all of us in it. I know I’m not the only one to have felt self-conscious in a swimsuit – people tell me all the time that I’m “brave” for daring to don one because they don’t feel confident enough to wear one.
I’d like to point out that these aren’t just fat people experiencing these issues, which I know some of you might be thinking – negative self image affects women of all shapes and sizes (and men as well), whether it be to do with their weight, their figure, their features, their abilities, their worth… you get the picture. It’s not always about being picked on for being fat or being skinny; or for having a gap in your teeth or hairy arms. Sometimes it’s about internalised issues, and that can affect anyone regardless of age, race, or social status (even those people who you might look at and think that they have the perfect body, flawless makeup and not a hair out of place).
I spent almost 20 years despising the body I was in. I put my life on hold and didn’t do many of the things I really wanted to do because I thought that I had to wait until I was thin enough. I couldn’t do it any more – the self hatred, the disordered eating and obsession with dieting, never thinking I was good enough. It was exhausting, constantly being at war with myself. And so I got help – I got treatment for my eating disorder, I saw nutritionists who helped me to learn that food wasn’t the enemy, I met with a therapist to help me deal with my body image, I had a really great team of professionals who helped me. But it shouldn’t need to get to that point, I shouldn’t have had to waste years and years of my life thinking that I was not good enough.
The conversations we have around food, health, weight and wellness have changed, many of us look at health in a more holistic way – Special K’s #OwnIt campaign is about making positive, healthy choices and changing women’s perspectives of themselves and their bodies; that’s why I wanted to be part of it. There are other amazing women featured in this campaign too, including Anna Reeve, Maria Tutaia, Jess Quinn and the lovely Mary Haddock-Staniland.
I don’t need to justify my food choices, the exercise I do, my blood pressure, my health, or in fact anything at all to the the people who make unsolicited comments about my body. Partly because the good fatty/bad fatty diatribe is tired and old, but mostly because it’s actually none of your business.
For me, it’s not about whether or not you want to lose (or gain) weight. To be honest, it’s your body and that means you get to choose how you fuel it, how you care for it, and what you want it to look like. It’s not about dieting or any of those things that we might have previously associated with Special K – it’s about acknowledging that your body – the body that you have right now – is great. Whether you want to lose weight or not, whether you’ve already lost weight and want to lose more, whether you’ve lost weight and gained it back (which is extremely common, by the way), whether you want to gain weight, whether your weight is the furtherest thing from your mind and you couldn’t care less. Your body is what it is, and it deserves to be loved and cared for now, not when you think it’s “perfect”.
We need to do this not only for us, but for those we influence. I’m lucky enough to have a blog where I get to talk to thousands of you, but it’s not just people like me that need to be passing on this message. We need to share it with our children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins, siblings, friends, especially the younger people in our lives. They’re watching us, learning from us, and it’s heartbreaking that what they’re learning is that they have to look a certain way, be a certain way in order to be deemed acceptable, and in the meantime hating themselves because they can’t meet this unattainable standard.
For me, there will be no more obsessing over the numbers on the scale, no more stupid diets or exercising till I throw up, no more crying because I’m not a size 8 and no more talking down to myself. I try hard to love the skin I’m in, and I show my body love by fuelling it with foods that nourish me (that includes both vegetables and chocolate, by the way), exercising regularly, getting enough sleep and wearing clothes that I feel good in.
My body tells the story of my life: scars, bruises, curves, softness, happy times, sadness, my successes and my failures. No matter what I look like, my body will always tell MY story – one of a strong woman who works hard to get what she wants.
I want to know how you ditch the doubt and #OwnIt – let me know below!
Love it Meagan, yes I agree #Ownit for sure. After reading your blogs and suggestions, why can’t we feel like we are amazing? I am a curvaceous woman who hid behind the excuses of “nothing can fit me here” or even hiding behind layers that did nothing for me. It is now time for me to #Ownit.
Thanks for sharing, Meagan! I personally loved seeing your Special K pic pop up in my newsfeed every few days and remind me to be awesome! I thought it was a great campaign and so cool that they chose you to be the face of it! 🙂
Thanks Leah!
Well said Meagan. Love your blog 😊😎
Thanks Elaine x
I’m sorry to hear about your family photo, Meagan. It’s so important not to restrict yourself from making memories because you feel insecure. Your feelings about yourself may change but you can never get that moment back.
I think the biggest thing that has helped me ditch the doubt is realising when I see a photo, that my family and loved ones do not see what I see. They see me as they know me, a confident person with a lot of love to give no matter how many kilos I weigh or how much skin I have. I might find the photo mortifying but my boyfriend sees the person he fell in love with and my parents see their daughter as an independent person who was raised with love. Gotta #ownit in that instance!
Too right Sam, and I’m so sad we weren’t able to capture that memory. Since then we’ve managed to get some great family pictures (of most of us but not all) at my brother’s wedding!
Meagan, I loved reading this post because you have addressed the problem with our collective obsession (as a culture) with size. I am so tired of people talking as though thin-ness is a virtue and fat-ness is a sin. We need to reach a point where the greatest thing we can ever be is our whole selves… unapologetically celebrating the extraordinary beings we are, not just on the inside. I’ve been on a journey too over the last decade. I was very sick for six years and there were times I thought I would never get out of that trajectory. But now I am in remission, I don’t want to waste a second of my wellness, holding myself back from anything. I no longer give a s#$t what people think of my body. It is a loyal and strong vessel that has carried me through treacherous waters. The things I saw as ‘imperfections’ before, I now see as characteristics. I just wish with all my heart that I could gift this perspective to every other woman, especially the young ones just beginning to build a self-perception. Power to you Meagan. You beautiful woman.
Isn’t it such a shame that for so many of us it takes something major like an illness to realise that we had been taking our lives for granted and holding ourselves back? You’re so right about the collective obsession with thin-ness, imagine all of the amazing things we could achieve as a society if we focussed on so many of the things that are more important!
all so lovely and positive…thankyou for the thoughts you put out there please dont stop
tessa uk
Thanks Tessa, I won’t be stopping any time soon x
I applaud your article Meagan.I am in my 53 rd year and have battled most of my life with being the big girl.It has been a battle I rarely win.I lost 25 kilos before I chose to have Gastric bypass surgery almost 5 years ago.I lost more weight,was exercising etc.and felt sooo good about me.The weight has been creeping back on as I have fallen back into bad habits..or eating too much.I feel like a failure again…
The overwhelming feeling that I failed again EVEN after surgery does not mean I can ditch the doubt.
Reading your posts and other curvy bloggers is a positive.Meanwhile ,I have to pick myself up,dist myself off and get back on the healthier life style.
While this will help me “own it” again
Thanks Janne! Please don’t feel like a failure, bariatric surgery is a weight loss tool and as we know not all tools work in the same way for all people. I know many people who regained weight after their surgery, so it’s not just you. If weight loss is still your goal then great – you can still “own it” while you’re on that journey darling. One day at a time, and every day with love xx
Positive self image that goes beyond simple appearance is a beautiful thing! And just for the record you look gorgeous in that image, your smile makes me smile back 😀
Thanks Clare, I think having that confidence is so important!
“I put my life on hold and didn’t do many of the things I really wanted to do because I thought that I had to wait until I was thin enough.”
And you know the flip side to this, for me anyway, is that when you approach being “thin enough” you are too scared to do or eat anything that my jeopardise it. As a result, life is still on hold. And it seemed there would never be a good time to have that piece of cake. If not now, when?
It’s so true Alice! The bar keeps moving and you never seem to feel “enough”
Totally agree with all of the above! First time I’ve ever commented, but I’ve been following your blog for a little while. It’s so great to see a NZ-based plus-sized blogger; it’s super useful in terms of shopping tips!
Thanks for commenting Camber, nice to have you here xM