Someone made a comment to me recently that my Fat Girls Shouldn’t Wear Stripes project was glamourising obesity. This wasn’t the first time that this comment has been made, and I doubt it will be the last considering that my project is about to be featured on one of our national current affairs shows, so I decided that it was something that I should respond to.
In case you’re unsure, here is a diagram to help you out…
As a fat person, I am no stranger to encountering people who think that they have some right to police my body. Like many fat people, I’ve heard on more than one occasion comments along the line of “oh, but what about your health?”. We are all aware that as a complete stranger these people don’t actually care about my health. They are what is known as a ‘concern troll’. They make comments like these without actually caring about the answer, and obviously you can not tell the state of someone’s health by judging them on their fatness. They are in fact, just arseholes. Essentially wanting to put someone down for their appearance – this is bullying and it’s not okay.
If you are someone who has, at any stage, fallen in to this category, then you might want to refrain from commenting on my blog. I have no time for malicious fools like you. If you are still unsure, please bear this in mind: my body is my business. I do not owe it to anyone else to look a certain way.
This is a subject that I could speak about for hours, but in the interest of keeping things short and simple, here are some points to take away:
- You can not tell the state of someone’s health by how fat they are.
- Fat does not necessarily mean unhealthy. There are healthy fat people and unhealthy fat people, just as there are healthy thin people and unhealthy thin people.
- Another person’s health and body are none of your business unless they ask your advice/opinion.
Now that we have that out of the way, back to the issue of Fat Girls Shouldn’t Wear Stripes glamourising obesity. I am not advocating that anyone change their body to look more like me or any of the beautiful women featured in my project. What I am saying is that women should love themselves and their bodies, and feel free to wear anything they choose. I believe this is true whether you are a size 6 or a size 26. I just happen to be fat and fabulous!
I want women to love themselves as they are now. To stop putting their lives off until they’re thinner, they have a thigh gap (don’t even get me started on that one!), the number on the scale is a smaller one, or they have toned their “bingo wings”. If you want to tone up, lose weight, change your hairstyle or whatever, that’s fine – but love yourself while you do it (and for goodness sake, don’t feel that you should change yourself because of bullshit societal pressure and so-called “beauty standards”!).
I think this is pretty self explanatory, but I’m sure there are some people who won’t get it. But you know what? That’s their problem, not mine.
xo Meagan
Love your post, who you are and what you stand for Megan – and the diagram 🙂
I am far more likely to go outside and walk my dog after reading your blog than I am after looking at magazines that make me feel ‘less than’.
I too have amazingly good health and yet I am judged every time I am out in public You get used to reading people’s thoughts and judgements on their faces, they don’t even have to say anything.
What I really struggle with is the leap people make between excess body fat and intelligence. I have come to notice that the more weight I carry the less I am treated with respect intellectually.
You are making a difference and helping people thank you Megan!
Thanks Annie, that means a lot! Have you read this post by The Militant Baker? So good! xo
Hey Megan…I have just come across your blog for the first time and 100% applaud you on being out there and proud and spreading the message of body positivity and accepting and loving who were are inside and outside. Totally get the message and totally understand being a fatty myself for most of my life. Our western society has for a number of years now been very irresponsible in building a culture that warps and damages how we feel about ourselves and cultivating self-loathing and praying on that so we buy the latest fashion, the latest trend, the latest beauty product etc etc etc and this is not only about body size but anything that falls under the umbrella of ‘beauty’ and what that means in our modern society – and it changes from season to season, decade to decade. Media and glamour magazines etc are hugely irresponsible and have been the major contributors to this culture. I saddens me so much to hear stories of young girls who take their own lives because they don’t fit the current trend for body shape or their parent(s) won’t get them the latest must have fashion trend or beauty product – the world is mixed up and crazy. Being judgmental of each other has to be one of the most destructive ways we hurt each other and destroy lives – the most lethal weapon indeed. The issue is so complex because it is not about how we look on the outside – it is very much about emotions and feelings and our sense of self worth and where we fit in our little corner of the world and its about our upbringing and who we have in our lives and what choices we make and what our dreams are and what the future holds for us. So yes I applaud you indeed. However, I am motivated to post this comment because you have said that anyone who raises the question about your health is deemed a “concern troll” – I do find this comment quite judgmental in itself and this as a consequence has instigated further comments from readers that instill this form of being judgmental and I have to question why you find this ‘genuine’ concern so offensive. I am afraid we can talk until we are blue in the face about loving our bodies and accepting who we are – which I believe I do a pretty good job of doing despite being a fatty – but the facts can’t be denied. Being overweight is not good for our health, yes concur, neither are many other things that we do which are deemed sociably acceptable such as smoking, excessive amounts of alcohol, coffee or sugar (to just name a few) and that many people who do not manifest so outwardly that they may be unhealthy (such as being obese) do fall under the radar of being judged. Fatties are easy targets – no denying that. I can speak from personal experience a good example of this – a close family member who never struggled with weight issues her entire life, did not have an ounce of fat on her – dropped dead of a massive heart attack in only her 50’s. No warnings, no signs – just boom heart gave up and she was gone. Doctors said her arteries were so clogged they were surprised she lived to the age she did. She smoked heavily and ate badly but because she never carried excess weight – oh what about your health? Therefore I am a huge advocate that no matter what size we are we all need to make sure we are motivated 100% by our health status – life is short and we need to do the best we can to live a full life. Health to me is holistic – body, image, mental, emotions, thoughts…etc etc etc! To not be concerned with the whole being of ourselves is irresponsible to ourselves and those we love and who love us and we sell ourselves short. I don’t believe many people actually achieve this – we all have our own journeys and it is difficult but I do 100% believe we can be happy in our quest for this nirvana!! Having said that I go back to my point that obesity is a huge issue in our western society and it is quickly becoming and will be the biggest health issue society face – being overweight is not good for our health and one way or another our bodies/systems do start to fail/break down and deteriorate and lives are cut short. Sure we all die of something and even people who have made wise and healthy choices for their bodies are taken by the cruel irony of life – there are no guarantees. But I can say hand on heart that when I talk to someone about their health I am not a “troll” – I want everyone to live long and full lives including myself and we need to support each other to make the wisest choices for ourselves and certainly don’t see this concern at all as being judgmental. I do not agree at all that you can be fat and healthy, that is like saying you can smoke and be healthy. I do agree you can be fat and mentally healthy and I see that in you and love that you are spreading that message – that is great, absolutely great but please don’t label those of us who look at things holistically as being “trolls”.
Thanks for your (extremely lengthy) comment, Sheree. I have not proclaimed all people who raise a question about my health to be concern trolls, and I think that you’ve misunderstood the point of this post. I’m talking about random strangers (usually on the internet) feigning concern about my health (or any other person’s health – fat or thin) when they actually have no idea of my health history, my current health status, what I eat, how much I exercise, or what I do with my body. What it boils down to is that it’s no one else’s business.
It may come as a surprise to you, but fat people know that they are fat. We have mirrors, we can see ourselves in photos, and we have family members, random passers by, the media and rude people on the internet who tell us all about that. We also know the possible effects that our fatness might have. Trust me, we know. We actually don’t need you to tell us. If someone wants to lose weight or get fit, that’s fine – they will seek help if they require it. And if they don’t? They sure as heck don’t need someone all up in their shiz telling them how to live their lives and how to treat their bodies.
I could go on about this for a long time, and I’m sure one day I’ll write a book about it (goodness knows I have enough to say on the matter), but because you obviously didn’t read my post properly before commenting I’ll just reiterate the TL;DR version:
– You can not tell the state of someone’s health by how fat they are.
– Fat does not necessarily mean unhealthy. There are healthy fat people and unhealthy fat people, just as there are healthy thin people and unhealthy thin people.
– Another person’s health and body are none of your business unless they ask your advice/opinion.
Hey Leah…I must apologise…it was actually someone who commented on your post that used the expression “concern troll” but you did agree whole heartedly with their quite scathing comments. I am overweight myself – a point you seem to have missed in reading my comment so I totally understand what you are saying but I have to totally disagree that you can be overweight and healthy in a medical way – I reiterate my point – that is the same as saying you can smoke and be healthy – does not compute!! As I also had said I totally applaud you on the fantastic work you are doing re encouraging healthy self esteem and good mental health no matter what shape or size we are – that is fantastic work. But I do find your comments denying being obese affecting your health status quite destructive and misleading. I challenge anyone to look at someone smoking and feel ok about saying – oh that person will be healthy. Being obese is unhealthy and it saddens me you deny that. I am a health professional and see all the evidence of how obesity is going to be our no1 killer – well actually it already is. I totally agree our health and body are no one’s business but our own and who we chose to share with but society is what society is and you are certainly not going to change the human race and stop people being judgmental. I appreciate your blog really is only about fashion and trends for fatties so enjoy your ride and have fun! 🙂
I can only comment on my own health, and despite having worked in the medical field for a number of years in various facets, would not presume to comment on someone else’s health – especially not knowing their medical history or their current lifestyle. Having spent a lot of time with my GP and various specialists to manage a health condition I’ve had my entire life, I can quite confidently say that my weight does not affect my health. As I have said many times, there are healthy fat people and unhealthy fat people, just as there are healthy thin people and unhealthy thin people. You can not tell the status of someone’s health just by looking at them. I actually can’t reiterate this enough.
Saying “society is what society is and you are certainly not going to change the human race and stop people being judgmental” [sic] is so dismissive of everyone who works for change and education, especially when you say it on a body positive platform. I might not be able to educate everyone in the world, but if I reach a handful of people and change the way they think and feel about their own bodies, and help a handful of people to take a look at the way they treat others, then at least I’m making a start!
PS I’m about much more than fashion and trends for fatties, as well as sharing style related posts I also aim to help people feel amazing about themselves and realise how fabulous they are – feel free to stick around, I have lots of great things coming up 😉
The entire health or glamorization debate aside, the simple fact is that NO ONE has the right to judge you or decide your worth. The constant judgement continues to fuel the nonsense that your value as a person is somehow determined by your appearance. Its bullshit. Whether you’re a size 4 and subject to praise or criticism, or a size 30 subject to the same,this “you are worth only what you are assigned by the size of your ass” crap has to stop.
Great post Meagan.
*Standing ovation*
Well said Meagan!
I think at the end of the day, it comes down to the old saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.
If someone doesn’t know me on a close personal level or they are not a health professional who has assessed me, then they have no right to comment on my health.
They can think what they like, but they are in charge of what they say or write and should know it’s just plain rude!
Ugh this so needed to be said, people seem to think we want everyone to be fat and totally miss the whole “body positivity” thing.
Another point to be made, something that always baffles me about “concern trolls” is, even if someone is unhealthy (which like you said is not a strangers business) do they seriously think that means the unhealthy person has no right to cherish their body and appearance and wear what they want?
You NEVER hear someone say “eww you’re going through chemotherapy, you are so unhealthy, how dare you put on make-up and wear a wig and pretty dress you are just glamourising cancer”.
Of course not, but if someone is fat and the troll assumes they are terribly unhealthy (chances are they probably aren’t unhealthy at all) , the troll somehow thinks its okay to say that fat person can’t dress nicely, look good and love themselves.
Clearly it is as equally out of line as the former, but because they harbor such hatred for fat people they step out of convention and regurgitate their “concern” which like you said is pure bullying. Its bigotry that is somehow acceptable in mainstream society.
But often these people never see how obviously demented they are being because like racism the hatred for fat people is ingrained deep within them.
^^^ This! So well put, and a great comparison, thanks Cassie!
xo
Megan, you’re really helping me pushing my limits further, creating more space to realize who and what I might beside the narrow confinements of rules. And to make steps towards more love for myself without judging my weight (or what else).
But…I see these people not as arseholes but as people who are stuck in similar patterns as I, only it’s not their weight, just something else. They are afraid. It’s simply sad, they are caught in judging.
And I have the choice to start loving myself, regardless of wether there are people around ‘critizing’ me. My very own responsibility to recognize that.
I hope my English was good enough to explain my thoughts!
Thank you so much for being such a courageous, inspirational goddes:-)
You make a conscious decision to judge someone else. Sure, it’s influenced by society, how you were raised, your own personal perspective etc. but when it comes down to it, YOU are responsible for what comes out of YOUR MOUTH (or in the case of the internet, what you type). There is no excusing that, and it certainly does not make it acceptable to foist that judgement onto someone else.
xo
Just wanted to say that your blog is responsible for my purchase of my first swimsuit in more than 10 years…. which means that your blog is also responsible for my baby son getting to enjoy his Mama playing with him in the swimming pool…. as for glamorizing my obesity?!?!?! not so much LOL!
HURRAY! That makes me so happy, Heather. You and your family deserve to have fun creating amazing memories together!
xo
Thanks for an awesome post, and like you said, hate to say it, but there are people out there that will never get it. Through blogs like yours I have adjusted what I am wearing, I am still a long way from loving my body completely but month by month, I learn to love a little more – one day I will get there 🙂
Well said! I don’t understand people who judge others on their weight. Concern trolls are basically saying ‘Hate yourself and pretend it’s for your own good because I hate myself and I can’t see how you could possibly be happy in that body.’ It’s fucked up. How can encouraging a group of people to hate themselves ever be good?! It’s the very definition of counter-productive! You can’t hate yourself healthy. They’re idiots.
People with narrow minds can’t see past their own sphere of existence, so they think everyone has to live life their way. I doubt concern trolls are happy people. Perhaps if they spent more time working on their personality flaws than dictating how others should live their life they might be happier in themselves. x x
You got it, Leah! They can’t stand the radical idea that someone who is fat might actually love themselves. Oh the shock, the horror!
xo
Here here!!! You said it girl! So sick of people judging my health.