Tried on a green dress and then bought it in black. Classic Meg.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened up my laptop, signed in to this website and hit the “new post” button. I’m full of thoughts, feelings and opinions. There’s so much I want to say about what’s going on in our world, in my life, in fashion. I want to write so badly. But as the publishing history on my website will indicate, the words are stuck. I feel like I have so many things to say but when I try to get them out of my head and on to a (digital) page, I just can’t make sense of them. And so I stopped trying. I stopped writing. In 2022, I wrote four blog posts and in 2023, I wrote one. I have gone on a hiatus from writing for other publications.
I’ve experienced burnout in my professional life on more than one occasion, but being burnt out from words and not able to write? It’s the most frustrating and painful thing to not be able to communicate in a way that I’m used to. Something in my brain feels broken, and giving myself time and space hasn’t helped make it easier.
Finding little sparks of joy taking walks in pretty places.
It doesn’t help that I’ve been juggling a lot of challenges over the last couple of years, most of which I haven’t shared online because I find them difficult to talk about or they’re not my stories to share. A family member’s cancer diagnosis last year meant a temporary relocation to another part of the country to support them through their recovery. My own health is the worst it’s been in my adult life and I feel like so much of my energy has gone in to navigating the medical system (a nightmare as a fat women at the best of times) for what currently feels like not a lot of result.
I’ve been wading my way through a swamp of trauma and some days it feels like I’m drowning. Almost everything in the world feels heavy and too hard. Out of my control and out of my depth. Like I’m holding on for dear life. So I’ve been trying to pinpoint those little pieces of joy where I can, to find the sparks of light.
I’m still here
Keeping this website here if I’m not going to use it, that’s not a smart financial decision. But it’s a little glimmer of light for me, so I’m going to try one more time to write again. Some of it will be finishing some of the things that are sitting in my drafts folder. There’s a lot of them, but many don’t make sense yet. Maybe expanding on some things I’ve started talking about on Instagram (not that you’ve seen them, I’m sure – Instagram doesn’t show my posts to most of the people who follow me and I refuse to pay for that to happen).
I still have so much to say about fashion, about fat liberation, about the way that we navigate this world, about my own journey through the world. So I’m still here in this space, for now. I hope you are too. And if there’s something you’re keen for me to write about, please let me know. Maybe it will help to prompt some words to flow from my fingers.
And just like that, my first piece of writing in the longest time. Is this what the kids call a comeback?
I am just finding your page, and I am in much the same boat. I hope the words and some comfort come to you soon.
Thanks Miranda! x
I always look forward to anything you say. You are my little glimmer of light. Hope you find your way through your tougher moments and continue being you 🙂
Oh that is so lovely, thank you Victoria! Great to have you here on this journey with me.
Nice to see you back. Life does get in the way of life at times.
One day at a time
It really does! Thanks Sandra ❤️
Welcome back and yes its a comeback, look forward to your continuing blogs on fashion, maybe a medical one too as I am sure alot of us have come up against those famous Dr words, ” well if you just lost a little weight “……… ugh my dr knows not to go there, and just general health concerns for larger people
Thanks Louise! Yeah I have a lot to say about doctors who prescribe weight loss as a matter of course *massive side eye* Glad your doc doesn’t go there, and I’m so glad I have a great GP who takes my health concerns seriously regardless of what size my body is!
It’s great to hear from you here. I’m sorry life has been rocky lately. I read everything you write and it resonates with me. And the you lookfab in the green dress. Arohanui.
Thank you so much Lyn! Glad to be back writing again, and glad you’re here x
I’m glad you’re back. You go girl! I also love the green dress x
Thanks so much Kim! x
Oh Meagan that green dress is lively on youv
Thanks Susan! Very different to my usual autumnal colour palette but there’s something so fresh about it that I’m really drawn to!
Dear Meagan
Thank you for being transparent. You are an amazing woman and role model. I love seeing your posts and reading your blog.
Well done on your first piece of writing for 2024.
Take care of yourself, warmly Elaine
Thanks Elaine, I really appreciate your kindness ❤️