Last week I turned 35. I know that we are apparently meant to be afraid of ageing (well, that’s what I assume given the amount of ads I see talking about anti-ageing creams and botox and the like), but I embrace it. I’m embracing the adventures I’ve had over the last 35 years, the wonderful memories I’ve made and the wisdom that comes with experience. I’ve got a lot of friends who didn’t make it to 35 so I’m determined to damn well treasure the fact that I am here.
When I was younger I thought I was hot shit. I thought I knew it all and no one could tell me otherwise. I was a bit of an arrogant dickhead to be honest, and looking back I cringe at some of the things I’ve said and done. And so I thought I’d share a bit of advice from my experience with life so far – to my younger self (not that I would have listened), to my teenage stepson, and maybe a bit to my current self? Sometimes I need a reminder, we all do.
1. Drink more water
This is a running joke in my family, and my Dad’s advice for almost everything, but it’s true. Staying hydrated is important for everything from how your skin looks to how your brain and body function, so drink up babes.
2. Skincare is important
I spent a lot of time not looking after my skin, chopping and changing my products and not making it a priority. Big mistake, I could have avoided years of battles with my skin if I’d used the right products for my skin type rather than what was popular or new or instagrammable.
3. Wear sunscreen
Continuing with skincare advice: wear sunscreen. Every damn day. Skin cancer is not something to fuck around with. I have a moisturiser with SPF (it’s this one, I like it) that I use daily, or I use this one on my body – they’re both cruelty free and don’t leave my skin feeling gross.
4. Diets are bullshit
That’s right, I said it. Diets are bullshit. They don’t work long term (something like 95% of people who lose weight will regain it in 1-5 years) and they fuck with your body massively. I’m horrified how much money I willingly shelled out and how much damage I did to my body through the constant dieting in my teens and twenties. What a waste of time and money and happiness that could have been better used elsewhere.
5. Tell your people you love them
This is pretty self explanatory advice, right? Let the people you love know how much they mean to you, show them you love them, because life is short.
6. Be careful who you trust
I’ve been burned a lot and this was a really hard lesson to learn. Not everyone has your best interests at heart, so you need to make sure that you are looking out for yourself. If something doesn’t feel right it often isn’t – trust your gut.
7. Don’t fake orgasms
Took me bloody ages to learn this because sex isn’t talked about enough and I thought that asking for what I liked was selfish or somehow not okay. Figure out what you like and show your partner. Ask for what you need. Don’t fake it, it’s you that’s missing out if you do!
8. Ask for and accept help
Asking for help is bloody hard, and accepting it is too. I’m a fiercely independent person and I really struggle to admit that I can’t do everything on my own, and that sometimes I need help. Learning to ask for and accept help when I need it has been the biggest learning curve for me, but it’s so important to do.
9. Embrace your whakapapa
My biggest regret is not learning more about where I come from while my grandparents were still alive to tell me. I now find myself in my mid-30’s wanting to embrace my culture, but I feel like such an outsider, even within my own whānau. When I try to connect with my Māori heritage I feel like a fraud, and it leaves me with a massive gap in my life. I’m starting to learn Te Reo but I wish I’d begun sooner.
10. Don’t start smoking
This is probably a really obvious bit of advice, but just don’t start, okay? Before I started smoking as a teenager, I was that girl who harped on to my friends about how bad it was and how I’d never do it. Then I started, and was a heavy smoker for years and years. It was hell on my health and my bank account, and quitting was really fucking hard. It’s now been just over eight years since I quit, and I think that’s the best thing I’ve ever done for my health.
11. Apologise when you’ve fucked up
Like most of us, I hate to admit that I’m wrong. Apologising when you’ve really fucked up is hard, but owning your shit and admitting when you’re wrong is something we all need to do from time to time.
12. Draw the line
For my whole life there have been people I’ve let treat me like shit. Some have been family members, some have been partners, some have been bosses or friends or people I’ve admired. Learning that it’s okay to draw the line and say “no more, I deserve better” has easily been one of my life’s biggest lessons. It’s meant facing some shitty realities and dealing with not so nice consequences, but realising my own worth and enforcing those boundaries is important. This is probably my most important piece of advice, because it’s had a massive impact on my life and my happiness.
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Don’t be friends with trolls & bullies for the sake of politeness. Burn the bridges.
13. Know when to mend bridges
Apologies and boundaries are important, but so is forgiveness. I definitely don’t think that everyone needs (or deserves) to be forgiven, but sometimes people deserve a second chance. Recognising the difference between when you should mend that bridge and when you should set it on fire and walk away is a critical lesson.
14. Wellness checks might suck but they’re important
Cervical smears, regular dentist check ups, breast checks … none of that is particularly fun, but it’s gotta be done. So many things are either preventable or easily dealt with if they’re caught early!
15. Stop fighting your hair
All my life I tried to force my hair to do things it didn’t do naturally, and it was a struggle! I’m just now learning to embrace my natural hair (which is wavy, with potential for good curls) and it’s made my life so much easier.
16. Find out what makes you happy
Figure out what brings you joy and do those things as often as possible. For me it’s patting dogs, reading books and going to the beach.
17. Don’t settle
I’ve slept with guys who wanted to keep me a secret from their friends. I went out with a woman who was emotionally manipulative. I’ve been with partners who wanted to change me, to be something I wasn’t. I dated people who made me feel scared and small. I wish I’d walked away from all that shit sooner and not settled because I thought I wasn’t worth more. I’m worth so much more, if only I’d realised it sooner.
18. You won’t always be good at things
I talked about this recently in regards to meditation. I always go in to things expecting to be great at them, and then find myself frustrated because I’m not. Some things take time to learn, time to get good at them. Sometimes I’ll find things that I’m rubbish at, and I’ve had to learn that that is okay. I won’t be great at everything.
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19. It’s okay to be comfortable
When I was younger I wore some things that I’m sure I looked great in, but I didn’t feel comfortable in. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised that being comfortable is important to me. No more uncomfortable underwear (I’m looking at you, g-strings!), high heels, clothes that are too tight or fabric that I don’t like the feel of. This is something I definitely wish I’d cottoned on to earlier!
20. Look after your mental well-being
As someone who has struggled with her mental health for her whole life, I admit that there are times when I didn’t take the best care of myself. There have been times I should have asked for help but didn’t. Times when I should have listened to advice that I ignored. Sometimes I’ve put myself in situations I shouldn’t have. It’s only recently that I’ve started making myself a priority, started dealing with my shit and making time to do the things I need to do to take care of my mental well-being. This applies to everyone, by the way – not just people facing mental health issues. Dealing with stress, bullying, burnout and issues at work are all too common (not to mention all the other aspects of our lives that can affect our well-being), so make sure you put yourself first.
What advice would you give your younger self?
Share it with me in the comments
Meagan wears:
You Hit The Spot Dress from Taking Shape (XL, gifted)
Lida Seamless Plus Size Leggings from The Tight Spot (3/4)
Ankle Boots from Autograph (8, gifted)
Very good tips Meagan, thank you for that.
Thanks Fiona! Do you have any advice you’d give your younger self?