Adipositivity

About 18 months ago I had the opportunity to take part in The Adipositivity Project – a photography project by the illustrious Substantia Jones that celebrates fat bodies in all their glory. Fat, glorious and without clothes on.

One of the reasons I write this blog is because I think it’s really important to have positive representation of bodies of all shapes and sizes out there in the world. Not just the so-called ideals represented in the media or in carefully curated Instagram feeds, but other bodies that are seldom seen. I’m short and fat with rolls, stretch marks and cellulite; I have large breasts that sag, very fat legs and an apron belly. I have scars, imperfect skin and most of the time my hair is frizzy. In the fashion world, bodies like mine are rarely shown, and so I decided to put myself out there and be one of the people providing that much needed representation of fat bodies. Put your money where your mouth is and all that, right?

When I started blogging, it took me a long time to get comfortable in front of the camera (and to be honest I’m still not all that comfortable in front of it – I feel super awkward most of the time). As my confidence in front of the camera increased, I’ve even done blog posts with me wearing lingerie and swimwear. And then when I was at uni doing my Design and Visual Arts degree I shot some nude self portraits of my body from different angles. That was a real stretch for me, but still lots of fun, and I had complete control over what shots were processed and where I published them (only in exhibitions and there’s one print in my lounge). Handing over creative control and getting naked in front of the camera of someone I didn’t know? Piece of cake (not).

Cool, calm, confident me was feeling anything but when I walked into Substantia’s hotel. In the days leading up to it, and even on the drive over, I considered cancelling our shoot; but I gave myself a stern talking to and soldiered on because I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t go ahead with it. I’ve followed The Adipositivity Project for a while now and I love the images Substantia has created, the way that she portrays fat people and shows the beauty in different bodies. I wanted that to be me!

I was so thrilled to have the chance to shoot with #SubstantiaJones for her #Adipositivity project today. I can’t wait to share photos from the shoot with y’all, but for now, a selfie 🦁 #thisismkstyle

A post shared by Meagan (@thisismeagankerr) on Jul 6, 2016 at 12:09am PDT

I knew other people taking part in the project; and had contacts who had vouched for Substantia; plus we had talked a bit online about what I was comfortable with, what parts of me I did and didn’t want to show on camera (for the record, I decided no nipples and no genitals) and what I needed to do to prep for my shoot; so I was comfortable with the situation, just not all that confident about taking off my clothes in front of someone I’d never met. But I did it. Less than 15 minutes after we met, I took my clothes off and stepped in front of the camera, and my nerves basically went away. It was the most fun I’ve ever had on a photo shoot and once we started shooting it was the most comfortable I’ve felt in front of a camera before or since. Substantia gave me advice on how to pose and her calm professional manner made me feel calm and like I knew what I was doing (spoiler alert: I really have no idea what the fuck I’m up to, most of the time), and I think you can see that in the pictures.

I posed on the sofa and in the bed. I posed looking out the window over the city (shout out to the nearby office workers who I’m pretty sure spied me from their desks), and I felt amazing. I felt sexy, powerful, and fearless. We even took a picture for FatPeopleFlippingYouOff.com (which you can check out here), because why not? It was a super fun time, and the photo that Substantia chose from our shoot was published today.

Just between you and I, I think it’s beautiful and captures me perfectly. It’s quiet, introspective and soft, just like I am.

If you want to see more pictures from The Adipositivity Project, you can check them out here. If you’re wanting to order a print of this picture or one of another adiposer, you can do that here (mine is #627). Obviously both of those links contain a whole bunch of rad fat naked bodies, so they’re probably NSFW and all that.

What did I learn from posing for The Adipositivity Project? I learned that there is power in finding your own confidence and in pushing yourself to try things out of your comfort zone. For those of you wanting to know if I’d do it again? Heck yes I would, in an instant.